...and you say that like it's a good thing?

I have a confession to make. I am terrible at multitasking. I have spent pretty much all of my adulthood doing it. Raising kids, working sometimes more than one job, battling cancer, running a home business, teaching sunday school, being a mentor, neighborhood association, PTA, volunteer to whatever needed some help, going to school...all at once. Honestly. Insane. Now I wonder what people REALLY meant when they said, "I don't know how you do it" or "You do so much!"...

I had an epiphany today though. My mind is always on the next thing. It is rarely right here in the present. I am calculating the next move, the next stop, the next something. What I fail to see in the present. Okay, like I have put on close to 10 pounds, parts of my house are a mess, I don't have time to pray and study the bible...You know things that are important. So here I am 6 days from 40 and really saying to myself was any of the pursuit worth it??? Right now I am saying no.

So what now? I withdrew from class. I stopped working 10-12 hour days at work. I gave up a lot of things at church quite a while ago. I will go to bed at a decent hour, wake up at a reasonable time, excercise my body, mind and spirit. Now is the time! I don't want to miss out on anything else that I SAID was important but in reality my actions said something else.

As of right now the only things I NEED to do is go to work, come home and go to bed. Sounds boring but trust me, in my crazy multi-tasking, multi-faceted, crazy world that is all I need.

Easter AKA Resurrection Day....

I have never gotten caught up in the crazy frenzy of Easter and the eggs, baskets, new clothes...When I was raising my children, I wanted them to revere and respect what it was about, the death and resurrection of their and my savior, Jesus Christ. Some reading this post may disagree, not believe in JC, whatever. It's ok. But I will say this, just because you don't believe does not mean it isn't so. I accept it by faith. I have not had reason NOT to believe, and I have been through a lot in my life to cause me to question if there is a God.


This year was the first time in over 15 years that I dyed Easter eggs. I did it a few times with the boys, then relegated that task to my mother in law, sister and mother. The ONLY reason for doing this now was my granddaughter. She is 2 now and though she is still trying to figure out the whole Easter story...not the one about bunnies laying chocolate eggs, but about who Jesus is and why Easter is. I thought, why not? She can expirement with colors, and be creative.


Anyway, back to the eggs. I let Kamiyah dye a dozen and a half eggs all by herself. That was so funny. She was so enthralled with the colors and I was surprised by myself. I let her do things I would never have let the boys do, like making an absolute mess and not saying a word about it...That's how I know I'm a grandmother.

Next year she will be a year older and understand a little more. She will learn young that rabbits don't lay eggs there is no real Easter bunny. She will learn that one day Jesus was crucified, died on a cross, and rose on the third day. Not so she could get some candy, toys and eggs, and a pretty new dress and shoes but so she and anyone else can have eternal life. That my friend is what Easter is about.

Situation Normal...

Life can change in a blink of an eye. Friday, the Mr. and I were talking about plans for the week, Sunday he is in the hospital with a life threatening infection. Go figure. It brought to mind almost 12 years ago after 10 months of being cancer free, it came back with a vengeance. No warning, I was living my life, moving on...It has been 1 year and 7 days since his transplant and here we are trying to live life and move on.

So here we are. I sleep deprived and delirious, he doped up, in pain and delirious...What are the odds that a couple would both have through what we have? It does make for a strong relationship. We both know what it feels like to not know what the future holds or if there is going to be a future to wonder about what it hold. We both know what it feels like to wish we can see our kids and grand kids grow up. We both know what it feels like to care for a spouse. We both know what it feels like to have a total feeling of helplessness to make things better. We both truly know the meaning of Carpe Diem...Seize the day.

Back down memory lane...

Last night I had the most fun that I have had in a long time. I saw classmates from middle school and freshman year of high school that I had not seen in ages. It was blast. Some people look like eerily the same, some have changed a lot, and some people's faces didn't look familiar at first glance, some of us didn't remember each other but after requisite "I didn't go to Whitaker, Benson, Madison...I went to..." then as soon as they said their name the recognition was there. It was great.

Funny how time just marches on but every now and then time slows down for just a moment so those caught in the stream of movement can concentrate on reflection of the past. Of a time when life was simpler, thoughts more innocent (or not...). As we get older, which is inevitable, we will get farther and farther from those days of youth. Though we seem to continually find ways to redefine what youth is and what is old, the inescapable truth is that we will continue our march on, but we can along the way stop and reflect to another time, collect those memories and carry them with us. Carpe Diem. Seize the Day!

At Last....

Today I witnessed history. Not that everyday I am not, but this is so big. The first black President of the United States. I am still in awe and full of amazement. Given the history of our country, the battles fought by the heroes of the Civil Rights Movement, the indignities suffered by people who only wanted to live free...To be alive right now and see what my grandparents and others who came before me and are no longer here only could dream of, is particularly profound to me. My heart is full knowing that when I tell my kids and granddaughter (and future grandchildren)that they can be anything they want to be, I can truly mean it and believe it myself. They don't have to ever wonder if it is possible and she will not grow up wondering if it is possible, Now they know that is possible.

Happy New Year!

It is 2009. 2009!!! This is the year I turn 40. 40 people. I am so excited. I honestly did not think I would see 28 and here it is 12 years later and wow!

It was the first Thursday in January 2006 that I started the first of six rounds of chemotherapy for Hodgkin Lymphoma. I was 26 years old. It seems like lifetimes ago right now. Hard to believe. I survived the chemo, hair loss etc, only to have a relapse in April 1997 that resulted in a lifesaving stem cell transplant. Now here I sit, with hair, 11 1/2 years later with good health (though could stand to lose a couple of pounds...OK, fine! More than a couple of pounds!) and wonderfully supportive husband, amazing kids, beautiful granddaughter. I could not ask for more wonderful friends and family. I tell you life is good!

So, now it is 2009 (I just like the way it looks!) I am starting the year off with a bang...I start classes next week (8 credit hours...), will mentor the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Team in Training 1/2 marathon in April (walking). If you never heard of it, check out the site: http://www.teamintraining.org/ (Yep, shameless plug!)

Though I don't' believe in resolutions, I have decided that I cannot greet 40 with baggage. Mental, physical, spiritual. It's gotta go! I years ago that I was going to the Bahamas and I would wear a two piece bathing suit....Well uh, I am going on a cruise in October and the Bahamas is one of the places we are stopping in so guess what?? Yep, I can't make myself liar! Pray for me! LOL!

Workin' 9-5....

What a crazy week. Apparently I picked the wrong profession and health care system to work in if I thought I would get to stay home because of the weather. I tell you, we are like the post master. No matter what the weather, we will be here ready to greet you...with a smile....dang it!

So it is now Christmas Eve. My house is a mess, the kids will be coming to stay over, I still have one gift left to buys (that is not because of my poor planning, I was at the mercy of someonebody else who had poor planning...). The presents are wrapped, the shopping for food done. All is not lost I guess.

I had to stop and put all into perspective last night when I was EXHAUSTED from the 2nd day of a 12 hour shift. I starting thinking how grateful I am to have a job to complain about working so long. I was thankful that I was able to give my family gifts and pay cash for them. I was thankful that we will have my children and granddaughter with us for the holiday. That we are all healthy and well and blessed. There will be so many people this holiday season who are estranged from their families, in transition because of death or divorce. I pray that those people will find peace and that those of us who have many blessings will remember those who don't and count our blessings.