Never too late, never too old

2018 brings me one year closer to 50. Middle age. What? Me???   WOW...there was a time when I thought OMG 35 is going to be like so old! Then 35 came and I was thinking, hmmm, not so bad.  Now here I am sliding into a half century (that sounds kind of cool) and feeling young and full of life!  I realized that age is a state of mind.  Let's not confuse it with maturity.  There are a lot of people who are 'of a certain age' who behave like small children.  I am a mature woman.  I am confident and unapologetic about it. That doesn't mean that I don't have some insecurities, it just means that I accept them, and embrace that I am not perfect, will never be.  There will always be someone smarter, prettier, etc.  That is ok!  I am who I am.  I have lived a bit...been through some things, birthed and raised children, survived cancer (twice!) been married a LONG time.  I have put in some time.  I think I have some cred now.

A few months ago I came to the realization that I was putting limits on myself because I thought of myself as getting 'old'.  But something inside of me just did not accept that narrative.  I have no problem with aging.  I am going to get wrinkles and gray hair at some point (good genes have held them at bay for the time being).  My mind will say YES you can do it and my body will say OH NO you won't.  But I don't want to put limits on myself.  Will my body say no because it's not strong enough?  Then I have to work on making it strong.  There is nothing unachievable. 

I had the pleasure of spending the evening with an amazing group of young people.  Their energy was so inspiring.  I learned so much! That is another reason I don't want to put limits on myself because of age; I don't want to have all the answers, I want to learn from and connect with others as well as share my life experience and knowledge.  We are all in this thing called life together.  I want to squeeze every bit of goodness out of and share it with others.

Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada

Okay, that title has nothing to do with what is on my mind...or maybe it does, aaah, I don't know.

I really have to get better at blogging what's on my mind when it comes to my mind.  What always happens is I don't get it down and then I loose it but know that I had something I wanted to share but for the life of me can't remember what it is.  Figures.  The story of my life sometimes.

So in a few weeks my first born child will be 24 years old.  24.  That's like almost 25, which is a quarter of a century! That my friends, is freaking amazing to me.  Ok, for one I don't feel my age ( ok, maybe some mornings I do, or when I go hang out with my crew and don't get enough rest the next day!)...I mean I am 40, almost 41  ( for all you who are trying to do the math right now, yes, I was 16 when I gave birth) I really usually feel like I am in some crazy time warp trying to figure what the hell just happened...What do mean I've been married 22 years???  Kids?  Grown? Married?  Grandchildren??  I'm still trying to figure out how to be a grown up!  Amazing that I managed to stay married to the same man all these years, have a career and raise two self suffiecient, responsible, civic minded men.  Wow.  I did that.  Me!!!

But the reality is, life is happening man!  It's happening right before my eyes.  While I am relatively content with my little world, I know there are places I want to go, things I want to experience... I have the freedome to do somethings, within reason for a married woman, I mean I probably won't be backpacking across Europe by myself, or spending 40 days in seclusion at a Tibetian Monastary, since I have others to take into consideration.  But there is a whole world of living yet to be lived out there!  I keep hearing that 40 is the new 25, however I have no desire to relive 25!  That would mean kids and responsibility for me.  No, 40 is the new 40 for me.  I feel good, look good and will have fun figuring out how to be that 40+ year old grown up, with the Husband in tow, kicking and screaming!

Happy New Year!

It is 2009. 2009!!! This is the year I turn 40. 40 people. I am so excited. I honestly did not think I would see 28 and here it is 12 years later and wow!

It was the first Thursday in January 2006 that I started the first of six rounds of chemotherapy for Hodgkin Lymphoma. I was 26 years old. It seems like lifetimes ago right now. Hard to believe. I survived the chemo, hair loss etc, only to have a relapse in April 1997 that resulted in a lifesaving stem cell transplant. Now here I sit, with hair, 11 1/2 years later with good health (though could stand to lose a couple of pounds...OK, fine! More than a couple of pounds!) and wonderfully supportive husband, amazing kids, beautiful granddaughter. I could not ask for more wonderful friends and family. I tell you life is good!

So, now it is 2009 (I just like the way it looks!) I am starting the year off with a bang...I start classes next week (8 credit hours...), will mentor the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Team in Training 1/2 marathon in April (walking). If you never heard of it, check out the site: http://www.teamintraining.org/ (Yep, shameless plug!)

Though I don't' believe in resolutions, I have decided that I cannot greet 40 with baggage. Mental, physical, spiritual. It's gotta go! I years ago that I was going to the Bahamas and I would wear a two piece bathing suit....Well uh, I am going on a cruise in October and the Bahamas is one of the places we are stopping in so guess what?? Yep, I can't make myself liar! Pray for me! LOL!