Tuesday, December 29, 2015

New Year

It has been a long time since my last post.  I went on a hiatus of sorts...so many things have happened since then.  My world changed in 2014.  By the time 2015 rolled around, I was so relieved with the expectation of new beginnings, preparing for graduation...but I met 2015 with challenges that I frankly did not think I would survive.  My husband retired from his job with a medical disability and husband was hospitalized multiple times.  My mental health was in distress and it became necessary to take a leave of absence from work.  Every turn it seemed there was something breaking my spirit into pieces.  Sure there were rays of light here and there in 2015...my college graduation, my niece going off to college, beginning a new job; but there were the absolute heartbreaks-the deaths of friends and family members, notably my father in law. The grief and sadness just does not let up! My daughter in law lost her mother.  Then a week later her sister's father died.  The love of my life, my rock, my everything, is fighting for his life.  I am trying to be optimistic about 2016.  I have a new focus on health and wellness for myself, and know that whatever comes my way I have the tools to deal with what comes along.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Another Perfectly imperfect Thanksgiving

I am a bit late on my Thanksgiving post.  My plan was to host dinner at our home.  My in-law's are in town, and though my husband had been in the hospital I was sure I could pull it off.  Not quite.
As much as my mind was convinced I could pull it off, the reality was that my husband was sick and starting dialysis, I was working very long hours and just didn't have the bandwidth that I imagined.
My Superwoman mother stepped in and saved the day.  She hosted, and all I needed to do was prepare a few dishes--small ones just for my husband because he is on a special diet, and for my mother in law because she has some food allergies....Simple right?

The night before Thanksgiving turned into a sleep over with my son and three grandchildren.  We were up until the wee hours of the morning, laughing, playing games, talking.  My other son came over and wanted me to make him a crust for his now famous peach cobbler..only to find out that I didn't make enough.  I decided at the last minute to make a cake.  Oh, the mashed potatoes!  Yeah. time ran out.  Couldn't do it.  So there I was, what was supposed to be so simple turned into something not so simple.

Guess what, it was everything it was supposed to be.  The grand babies were running all over the place.  The house was abuzz with life and laughter and yes, chaos.  But most of all?  It was filled with love.  Having my sons as my side, one tending to his own children, the other baking side by side with me.  I would not trade the warmth of those memories for anything.  So while it felt like I cooked a full dinner and I was rushed and feeling a little bit pressured as time was ticking by and I still needed to get dressed and get to my mother's house, it was worth every chaotic moment!

A long time coming....back

March 12, 2014 I shut down.  My beloved Uncle Bobby (Rev. Robert Probasco Sr.) died that day.   It was not a surprise, I knew it was coming, yet when it happened it was devastating. He suffered so much the last months of his life and it was so hard to watch.   He was my trusted Pastor for over thirty years.  He was so instrumental in my life from childhood to adult, marriage, motherhood, spiritual development.  To lose him...I still find it hard to describe the absence of him in our lives.  So on that day I shut down.  Yes I still attended church, went to work, went about daily life, but I was numb inside. So many changes and transitions.  Adjustments to a new pastor, my best friend moving, professional challenges, personal issues,  I just went through the motions to survive.  But I'm back. I am ready for 2015 and am thankful for the tough times that have endured, because it has made me stronger!

Sunday, March 2, 2014


Today was one of the most beautiful days of my life.  Today, with my very best friends, we were consecrated as deaconesses to do the work of God.  Not to preach the Word, but to work behind the scenes, to do the things other either don't want to or can't.  Sit with the dying, pray for the sick, comfort those in need...the messy things in life.

What made it so poignant  is that our Pastor, (who happens to be my BFF's father, and other BFF's uncle), on his dying bed, performed the consecration.  I don't ever want to forget the power in his voice when he spoke to us and encouraged us...for over twenty five minutes; this when he has barely had energy for more than a few words. 

I just had to put it in writing.  My heart is full.  I really don't have words.  Today may be the last time I see him on this side. I will see him again Glory.  But it is well with my heart and soul.  I will honor his memory  by being faithful to God and carrying on the work started long, long ago.


Thursday, November 28, 2013

Another Perfect Thanksgiving

It's been a couple of years since I have written about Thanksgiving.  All the other posts are under the Thanksgiving tag.  I am really that tired right now that I am not going to put in the hyperlinks!  I digress.  I didn't have to host dinner, I just had to make a side dish and grandma's apple cake.  How easy is that?  Seriously, it was awesome...I feel a new tradition coming on. My mother hosted dinner, and it was fabulous.  It's always fun to spend time with my siblings.

Today was a beautiful day.  The sun was out, the sky was so blue!  It's the end of November and the weather has been amazing.  I had a nice run, called friends and relatives and enjoyed having a day off.  I think this is the closest to doing nothing I have had on a holiday.  I had an opportunity to reflect on all the things I am thankful for: My husband, sons, daughter-in-law, grandchildren, family and friends.  I am gainfully and happily employed and have adequate food and shelter.  We may not have the newest baubles and trinkets, but we have love.  I am wealthy beyond measure not monetarily, but in the intangible ways that matter. My life is far from perfect but I honestly couldn't ask for better and for that, I am thankful!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

In December 2011, I met an incredible person.  At the time, I didn't know they were particularly phenomenal, and I had no idea that they would touch my life and have such a profound impact on me.

This person was Sam Gordon.  Sam was a Physician Assistant at my clinic.  Right away he was amazing with the patients and staff...he ALWAYS had a smile on his face, kinds words and easy going demeanor.  He even followed a patient home to make sure they arrived safely when they had to take the clinic's oxygen tank because they ran out.  He didn't even think twice.  He just did it.  He was so...( I just can't find words!)...he was just so compassionate and kind and caring. It was as if he had always been a part of our clinic...He was someone you just felt you had known forever.

On May 28th, 2012, Sam died at home in his sleep.  I have dealt with some really devastating losses in the last five years, but Sam?  It devastated our clinic.  He touched each person's life in the short eight weeks that he was there.  Like I said, it was as if he had always been a part of our clinic family.

The memorial for Sam was so beautiful. His family loved him so much, and it was so apparent that he loved them with a love that was bigger life.   It was one of the most touching, meaningful yet heartbreaking that I have ever attended.  Though I only knew him for a very short time, he touch my life and those around him in a way that I don't think we will ever be the same.

Tell the people around you that you love them.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  Live with abandon, yet gently.
R.I.P. Samuel Lyman Gordon.  My life is richer for having known you.

It's Been A Looong time!

I can't believe it has been so long since I blogged.  I have a journal that is filled with 16 months of blog entries...I will say that 2012 was one of the most challenging for me personally and professionally. I experienced loss, and disappointment that I just never imagined.

One of the bright spots besides the the birth of a grandson and going back to school, was that I started running again after a 21 years. I participated in the Heart to Start Couch to 5K.   I didn't think I could do it, and then there I was crossing the finish line at the Shamrock Run, and yet again two months later at the Run Like a Mother 5K.  It was awesome.  The highlight of all of that was appearing on AMNW with Dr. James Beckerman in January.  It was great to go on there and hopefully inspire others to get out and get moving.

I don't want to rehash all of the craziness that was 2012 and even the first half of 2013.  I learned a lot about myself, my ability to handle stress, and the limitations of a body that is is under stress.  Needless to say, I don't want to encounter anything like that again.

Here is to the future.  To many blog entries and thoughtful observations of this wonderful life!